The Break Up

Some relationships are toxic, yet others so delightfully a blessing!

 

I used to be the kind of woman that stayed in a relationship even if it hurt. It was so obvious, that others saw for me, how detrimental it was to my well-being, yet I just couldn’t understand what they nagged about. As for me, I vowed to be loyal till the end.

Sadly, I never got back in return, the same level of commitment or loyalty, I gave. But I kept on.

What was it for me? Was it love or just sheer careless? Was it initially what I could gain, or just me being a natural loyalist? I didn’t even know, and I didn’t want to keep asking myself these questions. However, it could not be hid or denied, that these relationships did me no good.

On the other hand, those ones that were a blessing, ironically I never paid mind to. It sought my attention, my love, but I didn’t give it. For me, it was boring, unadventurous, and frankly, didn’t deserve my giving. I tried to be loyal, friendly… but it just didn’t work. Again, those who saw through me, would outrightly let me know that I was being a fool to let the good ones/things pass me by. Oh well, I won’t let their badgering compel me.

 

So I was in a deep commitment with this very tall chocolatey sweetness, Toblerone. I called him Toby for short. To me, Toby was a person. A companion, he was there when I needed him the most. When I was sad, happy, depressed or just every time. I will spend so much money just to go see him and have a taste of his enthralling personality. He showed me himself in several flavors. He caught my existence, my dentition, my taste buds, my consciousness, we were completely involved! Toby and I dated for 7 years straight. In all these years, it seemed like I existed for him, I gave my all. Every time spent with him seemed unsatisfying, so I always went for more… but Toby didn’t give back much. I guess he didn’t feel the same way about me.

I was the one spending the time, money, giving the most attention, and taking time to understand the different sides of him. In those seven years, I lost nine (9) of my teeth. Toby’s effect on me, ate into the core of my gum. He damaged my dentition. All those appointments at the dentist’s and the eventual operations, were the most painful and fearful days of my life. After the ninth operation, and losing my molar and premolars on the right side of my mouth, I reconsidered this relationship with Toby. Getting a replacement for that side of my mouth was very expensive, so I managed, mostly using the other side which was only surviving by fillings.

Toblerone Schokolade

toblerone 2
YUM!!!!

 

Toby showed no pity or concern. He wasn’t even there to pat my back or sympathize. Who was I kidding? He could never possibly be able to. He wasn’t human!

I waited this long to know this? This was just plain stupid! How could I have stooped so low for a chocolate bar? Was this even real life? Suddenly, I remembered how everyone tried to warn or help me, but I was recalcitrant, adamant and just plain silly. I gave myself to something, out of my own selfishness and lack of self-control, now I paid dearly for it. My unrealistic relationship and unfathomable, nonexistent commitment to Toblerone had wrecked me. My dentition will never recover, neither has my body weight. I have undertaken several exercise routines to come back to shape. It’s been four (4) years after, and I’m still paying for it… it was unprofitable, unhealthy and all the “un” prefixes one could think of.

For you, it might be some other unhealthy kind of relationship. Perhaps a person, or an even stranger kind of guilty pleasure or vice. My friend, if it has consumed you and taken over your sense of judgment or discipline, it is a dangerous relationship. It should be broken. It is slowly becoming a god, seeking your time, money, attention and loyalty. All of these, you could have given to something/someone more important and profitable. You know the relationship is toxic, it hurts, it doesn’t give back what you give, and it has no respect or regard for your time or commitment. Do you want to continue in this obvious harm, or you want to take a stand to break away today?

Breaking away from Toby wasn’t easy, sometimes all it took for me was an imagination that spurred an insatiable desire in me, and I just had to go for it. But it came time, when by myself I had to come to terms with the reality of what this relationship was doing to me. It was hurting me, it was damaging me and keeping me down. Breaking away and walking free, was my only resolve.

 

Same to you. You have to answer some hard questions, and then tell yourself the truth. Is this relationship healthy? Has it added to me; spirit, soul and body? How much have I given? Do I want anything in return, if yes, what do I want out of this relationship? Have I become a better person? Is this true love or just a selfish partnership? Am I in this for the long haul? What have I lost or gained? And many other questions you probably know to ask. Break away, if most of your answers are in the negative.

Seek now, for those healthy relationships that undeniably crave your attention and approval, and you have morbidly despised. Look again, they are still waiting, willing to give that which you have secretly sought for and desired. You will see how much better this new relationship feels. Maybe not as adventurous, but surely beneficial in every way.

I tell you this with all my heart, you can overcome anything unbecoming. God’s Spirit in you is not just there to abide, but to help. Romans 8:13 tells us that by the Spirit, we can put to death the deeds of the flesh. Ask Him to help you today, and when He provides a way of escape out of that temptation, please take it.

 

Love,

Paula Young.

 

 

 

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Hurt

peace 2

 

Often times our hurts become our greatest event

Unplanned for is the occurrence

Expressed through bouts and vent,

Indescribable its deeds and consequence

 

Words spoken blindly

Razing feelings smoothly

Blurting and snarling

Shooting aimlessly, flesh and heart slowly gnarling

 

Choose wisely said the voice within

But oh no! spit and spill, the flesh must win

To recall the bullets shot if possible?

Sadly, the damage done incurable

 

To be strong or not to be

What you choose is up to thee

Should the words that have hurt also kill?

Or the love beneath thy veins stretch to heal?

 

Pray, let this not be the event that paralyzes

May it swallow up the dark as a new day arises

That it shall strengthen and teach a lesson

For tomorrow thou shalt be a blessing.

 

Paula Young

Monday, Oct. 23, 2017

4:00pm

Shut Up!

hush

That’s what I say to the noise around me

Distracting, telling lies and causing discord with mere assumptions.

Shut up is what I say, to doubt and fear crawling stealthily to steal confidence and birth shame

Voices all around, words carrying a spirit with them, such commotion!

My head stuck in the middle, my heart seeking to discern…

So I make it easy with just two words; “Shut up!”

 

If I heed to your constant perturbing, you will confuse me

If I am guided by your assumptions and “what ifs”, I’ll fall

If I meditate on your words for just a second, I’m never gonna try…

So shut up ye voices that mislead and words that belittle

Fear that shrinks, and doubts that hinder,

I am not your audience, and will never be.

 

The One living in me speaks, and I listen

He is my Shepherd, and only He will lead me

His words are peace and safety

Bringing wisdom, understanding, and clarity

I have His life, His love, His faith… I lack nothing

His voice is stronger, louder, and clearer

I live for an audience of One.

 

worship

 

Paula Young

March 26th, 2017

12:01am

 

 

Ihunanya Uri

Those beautiful eyes that watch me close

Day and night, not blinking cos’ You chose

It’s amazing that You watch me sleep

You don’t shut your eyes- like a Shepherd watches his sheep

I could describe every part of You

But hear me mention a few

 

Not resembling the macho guy girls drool over,

You are the shield and refuge that gives cover

I’m enthralled by Your strength

Your strong arm stretched towards life’s great length

Protecting, preserving, providing

Your people, Your begotten, Your very own defending

 

How do I know it’s Your voice on my heart beating?

Awakening desire, my ears meet with greeting

Unfolding mysteries, great things unseen

You tell me as I draw near to glean

Sweet echo as in the cool of the day

Your voice, Your sound, every word you say

 

Unlike changing seasons, friends who come and go

You are there, unchanging, remaining, Your word says so

You know me, No, You’ve known me before earth and space

You made me Yours through faith and grace

I love how You love me Abba

I await the day You’ll say “come to Papa!”

The Colleague

colleagues

Having colleagues is a beautiful thing.

I remember leaving school and fresh in the world, I didn’t quite understand a lot of things or how the world functioned. Getting a job and working with a bunch of people I hadn’t met before, I better understood the phrase; “welcome to the real world.”

Suffice it to say that I learn a new lesson every day. I see myself in a new way and I grow.

Today, I upset a colleague. I made a statement that wasn’t intended to spite, it was rather risible or so I thought. A cold war ensued and then I knew I had done something wrong. Unfortunately, this wasn’t the first time I was stepping on toes, and believe me, I was innocently stepping on toes. It is true we are all petty, sadly, one is petty where the other is not.

colleague-2

The cold war was going to lead to a catastrophic civil war, until I sent out an invitation for a peace talk. It didn’t go as I expected, but gladly the other party withdrew ammunition.

It pained me that I was getting into relational issues with my colleagues, but then I learnt. No one is like me, will ever behave the way I do, or see things entirely the way I do. Forget that cliché sentence intro that goes thus: “if I were you, I would’ve…” Instead, being me, I became patient with other people’s weaknesses, for I figured that their struggles were my victories, and their victories, my struggles.

colleague4

Being me, I became quick to forgive and move on. I was helping myself this way to stay healthy on the inside, and still see people with the eyes of love and respect I did when I first met them.

Being me, I have learnt to separate colleagues from friends- these are TWO different set of people, and should NEVER be mixed up. Never get it twisted.

Being me, I have seen that people like to be respected and may often times put their age before relating with me, so I respect the high and lowly, young and old equally. This has by far made me a better public relator, and improved my character.

Being me, I’m just going to keep growing and help others make their struggle a victory story.

colleague-3

selfie

When I was younger, my sisters and I would do “gender specifics” with days and numbers. For instance, we would say number one was a man, two was a woman, even more specifically, three was a fat female, four was a little boy, five a mean woman and so on. Monday was definitely a man, Tuesday a woman, Wednesday a quiet woman etc. I don’t know if anyone else played this game, but it was so much fun for us back then.

Today, I count two years being married, and I will tell you what I have learnt.

selfie3
Without knowing it, I had come into marriage for myself. I didn’t realize how badly driven I was at getting my own stuff, until I wasn’t getting it. I knew I’d have a happy marriage, I knew I was gonna have fun and yes so much fun while having fun. However, I was expecting someone to hand these things to me. I wasn’t gonna create that world for myself. This was my first selfie taken
Again, I used to think I was so lovely and tender and gentle and patient, and the list of worthiness goes on. Sadly, I have found myself throw tantrums when I didn’t have my way, yell so hard I let my crown fall off my head, cry like a baby when my needs weren’t met, punish the wrong doer for his grave offense. Hmmm, my second selfie- not so pretty is she?

………………………………………………………………

God saw Adam’s loneliness and went creating. Creating His masterpiece, His solution to man’s pathetic condition. God made woman- man’s way out of loneliness, man’s help meet for destiny, man’s world of adventure and multiplication. He made woman for man and not woman for herself. However, only in the great institution of marriage can this reality be fulfilled.

selfie-7

Adam saw Eve and spoke by revelation, “you are to me, what I’d never be to myself.”
God could have been that help-meet to Adam, after all He made man for Himself. But God knew woman would do a better job at it. God has put something in the woman useful for her assignment, something so great that only He knows. He put Himself in woman. He has given her His kind of strength.

She was taken from man’s side
To be his help and not to chide
A gentle voice through the tide
A hand to hold and to guide

A woman must realize her place and assignment in marriage. She fails when she doesn’t understand how to use her power.

So here’s what I did; I posed with my best side, and took me another selfie. I used my gifts to serve better. I became easy to talk to, and endured hardness like a good soldier. I became patient in waiting, and joyful in little. I gave love rather than wait to receive, I planted in famine and reaped daily a bounty. I cared and didn’t complain, I gave without holding back, and received my reward from the Lord.

I was excited that my better side was making waves. I was happy because I was making another happy.

selfie-4

I am that wife whose husband’s heart safely trusts in her. That wife who gives him peace and does him no harm.
I’m a wife who is committed to her assignment to her husband, helping him fulfill God’s purpose.
He loving me, I honoring him, this is God in charge.

Dear Vashti

You were so lovely to look upon
The king will show you off for fun
Come with your royal crown he said
But you replied NO instead

Perhaps you got tired of the show off?
Had you known the king would be put off?
What plan followed your refusal?
Did you know it would bring your disposal?

Vainglorious Xerxes! Furious for your pride
Wine made you depise your bride
Too quick to issue out decrees
With an edict, the whole kingdom agrees

Dear Vashti,
Had you known another would take your place,
You'd have sought counsel before your disgrace
Unlike you, Esther learned her position
Possessing not only beauty, but disposition

She understood her King's manner,
With words of wisdom she spoke like a fanner
With Grace she approached his presence
His favor gave her license

With carefulness she sought the king's pleasure
With joy, he granted her petition without measure
Dear Vashti, your action shouldn't have been a reactance
But counsel sought before your admittance

Learn from Esther, with gentle wisdom she queens her king
With wealth and glory, her praise he'd forever sing