Some relationships are toxic, yet others so delightfully a blessing!
I used to be the kind of woman that stayed in a relationship even if it hurt. It was so obvious, that others saw for me, how detrimental it was to my well-being, yet I just couldn’t understand what they nagged about. As for me, I vowed to be loyal till the end.
Sadly, I never got back in return, the same level of commitment or loyalty, I gave. But I kept on.
What was it for me? Was it love or just sheer carelessness? Was it initially what I could gain, or just me being a natural loyalist? I didn’t even know, and I didn’t want to keep asking myself these questions. However, it could not be hid or denied, that these relationships did me no good.
On the other hand, those ones that were a blessing, ironically I never paid mind to. It sought my attention, my love, but I didn’t give it. For me, it was boring, unadventurous, and frankly, didn’t deserve my giving. I tried to be loyal, friendly… but it just didn’t work. Again, those who saw through me, would outrightly let me know that I was being a fool to let the good ones/things pass me by. Oh well, I won’t let their badgering compel me.
So I was in a deep commitment with this very tall chocolatey sweetness, Toblerone. I called him Toby for short. To me, Toby was a person. A companion, he was there when I needed him the most. When I was sad, happy, depressed or just every time. I will spend so much money just to go see him and have a taste of his enthralling personality. He showed me himself in several flavors. He caught my existence, my dentition, my taste buds, my consciousness, we were completely involved! Toby and I dated for 7 years straight. In all these years, it seemed like I existed for him, I gave my all. Every time spent with him seemed unsatisfying, so I always went for more… but Toby didn’t give back much. I guess he didn’t feel the same way about me.
I was the one spending the time, money, giving the most attention, and taking time to understand the different sides of him. In those seven years, I lost nine (9) of my teeth. Toby’s effect on me, ate into the core of my gum. He damaged my dentition. All those appointments at the dentist’s and the eventual operations, were the most painful and fearful days of my life. After the ninth operation, and losing my molar and premolars on the right side of my mouth, I reconsidered this relationship with Toby. Getting a replacement for that side of my mouth was very expensive, so I managed, mostly using the other side which was only surviving by fillings.
Toby showed no pity or concern. He wasn’t even there to pat my back or sympathize. Who was I kidding? He could never possibly be able to. He wasn’t human!
I waited this long to know this? This was just plain stupid! How could I have stooped so low for a chocolate bar? Was this even real life? Suddenly, I remembered how everyone tried to warn or help me, but I was recalcitrant, adamant and just plain silly. I gave myself to something, out of my own selfishness and lack of self-control, now I paid dearly for it. My unrealistic relationship and unfathomable, nonexistent commitment to Toblerone had wrecked me. My dentition will never recover, neither has my body weight. I have undertaken several exercise routines to come back to shape. It’s been four (4) years after, and I’m still paying for it… it was unprofitable, unhealthy and all the “un” prefixes one could think of.
For you, it might be some other unhealthy kind of relationship. Perhaps a person, or an even stranger kind of guilty pleasure or vice. My friend, if it has consumed you and taken over your sense of judgment or discipline, it is a dangerous relationship. It should be broken. It is slowly becoming a god, seeking your time, money, attention and loyalty. All of these, you could have given to something/someone more important and profitable. You know the relationship is toxic, it hurts, it doesn’t give back what you give, and it has no respect or regard for your time or commitment. Do you want to continue in this obvious harm, or you want to take a stand to break away today?
Breaking away from Toby wasn’t easy, sometimes all it took for me was an imagination that spurred an insatiable desire in me, and I just had to go for it. But it came time, when by myself I had to come to terms with the reality of what this relationship was doing to me. It was hurting me, it was damaging me and keeping me down. Breaking away and walking free, was my only resolve.
Same to you. You have to answer some hard questions, and then tell yourself the truth. Is this relationship healthy? Has it added to me; spirit, soul and body? How much have I given? Do I want anything in return, if yes, what do I want out of this relationship? Have I become a better person? Is this true love or just a selfish partnership? Am I in this for the long haul? What have I lost or gained? And many other questions you probably know to ask. Break away, if most of your answers are in the negative.
Seek now, for those healthy relationships that undeniably crave your attention and approval, and you have morbidly despised. Look again, they are still waiting, willing to give that which you have secretly sought for and desired. You will see how much better this new relationship feels. Maybe not as adventurous, but surely beneficial in every way.
I tell you this with all my heart, you can overcome anything unbecoming. God’s Spirit in you is not just there to abide, but to help. Romans 8:13 tells us that by the Spirit, we can put to death the deeds of the flesh. Ask Him to help you today, and when He provides a way of escape out of that temptation, please take it.